Dreaming of you, lil one

Three nights ago, I had a dream but I couldn't remember the much details. All I remember was there was pregnancy involved. It was a baby girl in the tummy but I totally couldn't recall who is the mother. Suddenly on yesterday morning while I was on my way to office, the whole dream became clearer. It was a conversation between me and Sis who just gave birth two months ago. I was excitedly telling her my unborn baby is a girl and I can dress her up in pretty things. She will be so adorable...bla bla bla...

Yes, I had a dream of my baby. I was so happy she gave me that dream. I know she's somewhere near and is eager to meet me too. I know she could sense my love. She will be a healthy and happy baby, full of love and care from everyone around her.

A date with Doc.

I did something a couple would think of doing after many failed mission. Although mine was just 2nd attempt, I consulted a gynea on my fertility. Yes, I know 2 times is not enough, but I want to make everything clear so that I can be at ease knowing I'm not a barren. Sis did that a few months ago after failing to conceive for nearly a year. Her result was positive, she's in good condition BUT...a big BUT the problem lies in BIL. Apparently, his sperm count was unbelievably low. Ok, if they had gone for the check up much earlier, then they would have done something much earlier too, to solve this problem. As a precaution, me and Hubs went for the check up too last weekend, so equipped with questions I went to see her doctor.

I don't know what's the big deal but I was trembling outside while waiting for my turn. I wanted to do pap smear like my sis, since everything will be charged to Hubs company. But Doc said our 6 months attempts (I lied to him ;p) only started, it was not necessary. It started with me going into the bed section with Nurse asking me to take off my pants and underwear as she held a piece of cloth (for me to cover up later) while she looked on. After lying on the bed and Nurse closed up my lower abdomen, she shouted "Ready". Then Doc came in and started applying the liquid on my tummy. He did what I saw on movie, the ultrascan checking for baby I guess. He proceeded to check my 'inside', sticking a penis like plastic after squirting a massive amount of lubricant. Yet, I was still painful and actually tensed up while making, "Argh..Ouch" sound every time that thing moved. It's so shameful when Doc asked me to put my butt down so that he can continue *blush* I don't know what he put in after that but I saw the screen showing my uterus. The I saw a black round ball, which I still don't know what it was till today. Doc measured the thing from the screen and walah! He's done. I cleaned up and went outside to hear his result. Was everything normal? Is there anything wrong with my tummy? Thank god he said all is fine. So now it's up to Hubs to do the sperm count. Too bad he can't do it that day as the test requires him to store up his champion for at least 6 days. He will have to go back again if he wants to do it. Another good news, my egg was on its way. I asked Doc on the calculation of ovulation since from the last post, I mentioned that some will have ovulation as early as day 6 and I suspected mine was not day 14 due to my spotting. Here's how he taught us to calculate.

Ovulation day = Next menses - 2 weeks
Fertility period = 5 days before till 5 days after ovulation
What to do? = sex on alternate days

Also, I did asked Doc on the spotting, what caused it to happen and all those. He said he noticed a lining growth inside just now which explain the spotting. As I did not mentioned it earlier, he was not able to checked further. If it still occurs and disturb my daily life, I could opt to have it taken out thru a minor surgery (poking a hole in my body? eww...) Not to worry, it will not affect the conceiving or cause any harm to body, just annoying it always stain my underwear and pants. Nowadays I wear panty liner but somehow it also overflow and stain a lil. Never mind, as long as my fertility is confirmed good, I'm more than happy.

Spotting??

I read somewhere about spotting during pregnancy and stuff and was thinking to myself. I had that almost every month, every time it occurred in between the monthly menses and the next menses. In simple words, it happened sometime near ovulation. Not exactly on the 14 day but more to a week or so before that. Today, I did some research on the cause of spotting for menses and found this Andorra Pediatrics. Well I'm sure what this thing has to do with pediatric but I find that it's something we need to know.

"At about day 14 of a typical 28-day cycle, the sac bursts and the egg leaves the ovary, traveling through one of the fallopian tubes to the uterus. The release of the egg from the ovary is called ovulation. Some women know when they are ovulating, because at mid-cycle they have some pain - typically a dull ache on either side of the lower abdomen lasting a few hours. Some women also have very light bleeding, or spotting, during ovulation. "

This explain everything. Previously, I was confused as why am I experiencing period twice a month. When I asked my friends, they said it was probably due to stress. As that time I was stress up bout my workload, I just accepted it. But then it occurred more often that it rings the alarm bell. Now every doubts are cleared but there is still one slight problem. It says that spotting is due to ovulation and mostly around 14 days. Mine was more likely to start on day 7-10, on and off till day 14. So what does that mean? Was it normal? I read so many e-info saying ovulation will be on day 14. According to one article on Parents.com,

"A woman’s fertile days are usually the day of ovulation and the four of five days before, not after. But don’t assume that you automatically ovulate on day 14 of your cycle: A study last fall from the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences found that ovulation varies dramatically from woman to woman, occurring as early as day 6 and as late as day 21 of a cycle."

Now, isn't it something new? I mean, now I know one of the reason I've failed twice. Probably, mine occur not exactly on day 14 although my menses is mostly on time (27, 28, 29 days cycle).

Here's something to cheer myself up...

Mission failed

I woke up early yesterday to go for a morning pee but little did I realise, that was the time I had to say hello to my menses. Yes, it decided to visit me a day earlier to end my misery waiting. The moment I saw it came, I was in the state of denial. Was it just spotting? Was it something else that had happened? I went back to sleep hoping it was just a dream. Later of the day, I started to have the menses cramp it was so bad I actually thought of the possibility of miscarriage. I don't want to accept the fact that the little one is not there yet. I was terribly disappointed I could say. Hubs just soothes me saying it will come soon. I really don't know.
Now I'm really into believing all those superstitious thingy. Some said to place a pair of baby shoes by the bedside. Some said to get the baby pictures hang in the bedroom. I even bought the wishing bird and hung it outside to get my little wish for little one. Since it was Cheng Beng, I even sincerely asked for the ancestor to provide addition to our family when I prayed to each of them. We bought a pair of cute super tiny shoes for our unborn. Ain't this cute? A friend comment on the boyish look and jokingly asked if I wish for a baby boy. I thought it look unisex and no matter which come first, truthfully I don't mind anymore and will love my baby whole-heartedly. I just hope baby will know Daddy and Mommy are waiting eagerly for the arrival.

2nd trial

3 days to go till my next menses. I'm very anxious as I'm writing this. Well a lil bit dizzy for the whole day in fact. Today I woke up feeling dizzy and slight nauseous after drinking my cereal. It never happen before, so the first thing I thought was, "Is this the pregnant symptom?". Of course it's too early to tell. Anyhow also I will have to see if my menses will come next week or not. I don't want the early excitement only to turn it into disappointment later on. If you had followed my blog, you would have realised this is the second month I'm trying. I kept telling myself that dizziness is so common and I'm used to it. But at the same time I couldn't help wanting to go and take a test with Clearblue. All this while, I believe that I'm an easy conceiver but due to Sis case, it made me think twice. I totally don't want to give Hubs another false hope. I don't know, probably I'll go and find those Clearblue he bought last time when my menses was late for a day. Wish me luck that my menses will be late for another 9 months ;)